I've had two days of singing beautiful Easter music, my car is back on the road, and my stand-up paddleboard is out of storage. That's enough to swing my mood out of the depths and back up where they belong.
This morning I enjoyed a peaceful drive through farm country to get to my singing gig at a lovely Anglican church in Cambridge. I passed my favourite horse farm where almost every resident was sprawled rapturously on the grass, soaking up the spring sunshine. My beloved white ducks were out at their small pond; all is well. I dream of having a home one day with ducks, goats, and greyhounds.
Singing the Pie Jesu from Faure's Requiem is always a humbling and exhilarating experience. Being a mezzo-soprano, I don't have the opportunity to sing soprano as often as I do alto. Letting out my upper register taps into a completely different part of my psyche; I don't know what it's like to be high on drugs, but it must be like spinning out notes, casting out and drawing back like strands of a spider's web.
I'm home again and my sister and her two sons are visiting. It's overcast but mild, the lawns are green, and daffodils are starting to bud. My anxiety has lifted, at least for the moment. I'm making the conscious decision to be grateful. I've spent time this weekend already with friends and family, and am looking forward to more singing and more visiting. My very generous sister and brother-in-law not only took my car to the shop to have the brakes done, they topped up my tank and put new wipers on. I'm very lucky. 99% I remember this, and I live accordingly. 1% of the time, like yesterday, I think all is lost and my life is in ruins. I guess we all have our bad days.
Tomorrow I'm taking my paddleboard out on the local ponds. I'm so excited; I've been waiting for this since last September.
And lest you think I've forgotten about my book, fear not! I've edited the first five chapters and am diving into the next round tonight after the family disperses.
I'm seriously considering the self-publishing route vs traditional publishers. More research needed. In the meantime I'm working on my summary and tossing around cover design ideas.
It's good to be home.